


Coffee Dates

by aph_pasta



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Autistic Character, M/M, Meet-Cute, New York City, Slice of Life, Trans Male Character
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-04
Updated: 2020-06-19
Packaged: 2021-03-02 02:08:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 18,567
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23997274
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aph_pasta/pseuds/aph_pasta
Summary: Feliks is a barista waiting for his perfect coffee shop meet cute. Tolys is learning how to navigate his first relationship with a man he is head over heels in love with.Sequel to Christmas Letters
Relationships: Lithuania/Russia (Hetalia), North Italy/Poland (Hetalia)
Comments: 3
Kudos: 14





	1. Doppio Espresso

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Christmas Letters](https://archiveofourown.org/works/17152244) by [aph_pasta](https://archiveofourown.org/users/aph_pasta/pseuds/aph_pasta). 



> I am so ridiculously proud of this fic, and I don't even have it planned past the third chapter! I think this may end up being my greatest piece yet, and I'm so glad to be able to share it with you all. Special thanks to Lotus_Dumplings and Amaly for looking over my writing. Also special thanks to hetagaeru for giving me the initial Secret Santa prompt two years ago which inspired me to write this. You don't need to read Christmas Letters to understand this fic, but I recommend it, mostly because it's cute. 
> 
> I'm sorry in advance if my updates for this are a little more sporadic, I've still got a pretty full schedule with work, but I graduate in two weeks, so hopefully I'll be able to dedicate more time to writing!
> 
> Thanks again for reading, I hope you enjoy :3

Tolys was too nervous to sit still. He paced through the kitchen, returning to the oven every few minutes to check on the bread. Sure, he could make a decent loaf of rye, but his boyfriend was a career baker. He didn’t want to disappoint him. After checking on the bread, he went over to the stove and carefully lifted the lid on the pot of stuffed cabbage, making sure they weren’t getting overcooked.

There was a knock on the door and Tolys looked up, startled. He wiped his hands on his apron and ran over to open it. He was greeted with a tight hug from his boyfriend. Ivan stepped back, holding out a little box to him, which was tied with a ribbon. 

“I brought something for us to share after dinner!” he exclaimed, making Tolys smile. There was something about Ivan’s eagerness to please that made his heart melt. He still felt nervous, but not as much once Ivan was actually standing in his apartment. Just being around him put him at ease.

“Oh! Thank you!”

“Whatever you are cooking smells delicious,” Ivan added, making Tolys blush.

“Oh, really, it’s nothing. I mean, it’s just something small…” he trailed off and looked down at the box Ivan had given him. “Right, I’ll just put this away. I’ll show you around, too. Sorry it’s a bit of a mess.” Tolys glanced shamefully over at a half-finished puzzle on the coffee table and a few dirty dishes sitting on the floor, and closed the door behind Ivan, then quickly went to put the box down on the counter.

Ivan looked around the apartment for the first time, a smile still on his face. It was small, but it was very cozy. There was an assortment of colorful throw blankets and pillows on the couch, and neatly framed photographs covered the wall. He glanced fondly down at a stack of books on the coffee table, noticing the copy of ‘Day of the Oprichnik’ he’d lent Tolys.

“This is the living room and the kitchen. Here, I’ll show you my room,” Tolys said, after he’d checked the food once again. He let Ivan take his hand and led him down a hallway. Two doors sat across from each other, one with a glittery ‘keep out’ sign on it, the other plain. Tolys opened the plain door and stepped to the side, letting Ivan look around. Not many people got to see his room, since it was the only private space he had in the small apartment. He felt like Ivan should see it, though, because their relationship was much closer than the ones Tolys had with his friends. 

Ivan stepped forward into the room, looking over at the bed, neatly made with a green quilt and dark orange pillows, and over to the Lithuanian flag tacked above it. He picked up a small teddy bear that had been set on Tolys’s desk, behind a small stack of manila folders. “You kept the bear I gave you? That is so adorable.”

Tolys laughed. “Of course I did. I’ve kept everything you’ve given me,” he entered the room behind Ivan, opening a drawer in the desk and pulling out a few pieces of paper. “I still have the letters you sent me.”

“I still have yours, too.”

Tolys blushed and looked down at the ground. “You do?”

“Yes. Sometimes I read them when I miss you.”

Tolys thought that was really sweet, and he turned to kiss Ivan’s cheek to tell him, but was interrupted by the sound of his kitchen timer. “That’s the bread,” he said, and made his way back to the kitchen. Ivan followed, standing to the side of the counter.

“Do you want help?” he asked. Tolys shook his head in reply, then pulled on a pair of oven mitts. In his mind, a lot was riding on this dinner, and he didn’t want Ivan to feel obligated to help out. He just wanted him to enjoy himself. Tolys opened the door to the oven and carefully took out a large pan. He set it on the counter, then closed the oven back up. The kitchen filled with the warm, comforting smell of fresh-baked bread. 

“I made rye bread and balandėliai. I know it’s not that special-”

Ivan shushed him and cut him off, “are you kidding? You did not have to do all this for me. I feel special.”

“That’s good. I just- I want to impress you. You’re already so talented at baking, I didn’t know if I’d be able to.” Their last date had been at Ivan’s house, and he’d made an impressively delicious stew for dinner, then sent Tolys home with a box of handmade dumplings and another box of freshly baked oatmeal cookies. Tolys didn’t think he could come anywhere close to that, no matter how hard he tried. He smiled sheepishly and added, “all this food is Lithuanian. I used my grandmother’s recipes. I thought maybe you’d want to share a little of my culture, since you’ve been sharing yours with me.” 

Since they’d started dating, Ivan had made sure Tolys always had a good book in Russian to read, and they often spoke and texted in Russian. One time after hearing Tolys speak Lithuanian on the phone with his brother, Ivan had told him that he thought the language was beautiful, and decided he wanted to learn it. He was excited to get to try some of the traditional food from Tolys’s culture, as a sort of introduction to it. Food was his own language of caring, and he was flattered that Tolys cared enough about him to make a whole dinner from scratch.

Tolys went over to the stove and took the lid off the pot once more. The thick tomato broth surrounding the cabbage leaves was bubbling gently, and it smelled comforting and hearty. He turned the stove off and carried the pot to the table, putting a serving spoon in it. There was a cutting board next to the trivet on the table and he carefully tilted the bread onto it, pulling the pan away. Tolys’s face fell when burnt black crumbs scattered onto the board. The top of the bread was fine, but he’d overcooked the bottom. “Ivan, I’m sorry, I burnt our bread,” he mumbled, his stomach sinking. Everything had to be perfect for that night, and he was worried Ivan would think less of him now that he’d shown he couldn’t even bake bread properly. He liked Ivan so much, he was scared to mess things up and risk losing him.

“No, no, do not worry,” Ivan replied. He looked around until he found the knife block next to the sink, then pulled out a large, serrated knife. Gently pushing Tolys aside, he took the top of the loaf in his hand and carefully sawed off the bottom, until all of the burnt bits had fallen away. “Even people with the most experience burn bread sometimes. That does not mean you just throw the bread away. It’s still good, see?” He looked over at Tolys to make sure he was alright, knowing he tended to get worked up over little details. He seemed especially on edge that night, but Ivan assumed it was because of having his boyfriend over for dinner. He’d be lying if he said he wasn’t nervous when Tolys came over to his house.

Tolys gave a small smile to show he was alright. Ivan always looked on the bright side of things, one of the reasons he liked him so much. Despite that, he was still a little upset, and his stomach buzzed with many other feelings he couldn’t exactly identify and didn’t really care to think about. At the moment, he really just wanted to sit down and have dinner. Maybe he’d feel better once he found out if his efforts had paid off and Ivan liked the food.

“Thank you. Are you ready to eat?” He carefully untied his apron and folded it over the oven handle.

Ivan nodded and sat down at the table, setting a paper napkin on his lap and watching as Tolys served him two little rolls of stuffed cabbage, then cut him a slice of the bread. He waited until Tolys had served himself as well, before digging in to the dinner. He didn’t pause at all until he’d finished the first piece of stuffed cabbage, it was so delicious and rich and flavorful.

“Do you like it?” Tolys asked nervously. He’d barely touched his own food, unable to eat until he was completely sure his boyfriend liked his dinner.

Ivan nodded zealously. “You are a really good cook. I do not know why you were so worried,” he laughed and reached out to squeeze Tolys’s hand. “Really, I would tell you if I didn’t like it.”

Tolys was relieved that Ivan liked the food, but his stomach still churned with anxiety. “Well… there’s something I wanted to talk to you about too, and well, thinking about that has also been making me worried.”

Ivan put his fork down and looked across at Tolys, who was suddenly very interested in his plate. He frowned, confused at seeing his boyfriend this way. 

“You know you’re my first serious boyfriend, and well, because our relationship is so serious and now we’ve been to each other’s houses and I want to keep dating you, I wanted you to know that I’m autistic.”

“Oh?” Ivan asked. He truly hadn’t had any idea what Tolys was going to tell him, and he didn’t exactly understand why he’d decided to bring that up.

“I didn’t know if you’d figured it out or not. I wanted you to know, though. It’s just, that’s why I act the way I do sometimes.”

“Oh.” Ivan paused and looked down at their intertwined fingers. He’d never have thought anything was different about Tolys. Yes, he was shy and awkward, and those were some of the things Ivan really liked about him. He didn’t fit the image Ivan had always had of autism, though to be fair, he didn’t think he’d ever met an autistic person. “I guess… I do not understand. What makes you autistic?”

Tolys raised his eyebrows in surprise. Usually, whenever he would tell people about his diagnosis, they’d make a big show of how obvious it was, and how it explained everything he did. Never before had someone been genuinely confused about him being autistic. He squeezed Ivan’s hand, warmth rushing through his chest. This reaction was much better than the one he’d expected, even if he didn’t really know how to respond properly. He stopped feeling so nervous, realizing he finally had the opportunity to actually talk about autism, rather than having to listen to someone else pretend to be an expert on it. His heart fluttered as he noticed Ivan wasn’t looking at him any differently. He’d already had plenty of friendships ruined when the other person suddenly associated his being autistic with being weird and undesirable. That was what he’d been scared would happen with Ivan, but instead, Ivan seemed to genuinely just want to understand him.

“I just have a lot of trouble figuring people out. I don’t always understand what I’m being told unless it’s very literal, and I can’t just look at someone and know how they’re feeling or what their body language is telling me. It makes things hard. I don’t even always know if you’re enjoying our dates.” Tolys pressed his lips together after he’d blurted it all out, looking cautiously up at Ivan. He searched his face for any signs of disgust or disdain, but instead just found a small, concerned frown.

“Luchik, you should tell me if you do not understand what I am telling you or how I am feeling,” Ivan scolded softly. 

Tolys blushed. “I don’t want to embarrass you. I don’t want you to constantly be worried about me.”

“No, Tolys. I don’t want to be the reason you are feeling uncomfortable.”

“Are you sure?”

He looked up, seeing a slightly shocked expression on Ivan’s face. “Yes I am sure. I am not the only person in our relationship. You matter just as much as I do.” He reached out his other hand, holding Tolys’s in both of his. “I want you to tell me when you are uncomfortable. Tell me what I can do to make you happy. It is most important to me that you are happy, I cannot be happy if you are not.”

Tolys smiled down at his plate at what Ivan said, his cheeks heating up. “Well, you should know I have meltdowns sometimes. When I get overstimulated and there’s just too much going on, I shut down. That’s why I didn’t want to go to the movies for our date that time. They’re too loud and there’s too many bright lights, and it’s all too much for me. I knew if I went I’d have a meltdown, and I didn’t want you to have to see that.” He closed his mouth, adding in his head that he hadn’t wanted to embarrass Ivan either.

“And if you have a meltdown, what can I do to help you?”

Tolys paused and pressed his lips tightly together. He never liked talking about meltdowns, he doubted there was anyone on Earth who did. Even though he knew it wasn’t his fault when he had a meltdown, and it was just how he reacted to being overwhelmed, he couldn’t shake the embarrassment that came with it. There was nothing worse than being a grown adult and knowing his actions came off like those of a child.

“Well usually I have trouble talking, or I might yell or cry, and sometimes if it’s really bad I scratch or hit my arms. It’s one of those things where I know I’m not supposed to do it, but then in the moment I forget, and I just can’t stop. If you can help me get somewhere quiet, though, and talk to me, and just wait with me until I feel better, that would help,” he said quietly, talking more to the food on his plate than to the man across from him. His stomach churned and he looked away from the food, over at a square magnet on the fridge that advertised a drain cleaning service. If he looked at food any longer, he thought he might throw up from nervousness.

Ivan just nodded, showing he was listening. Tolys caught the movement out of the corner of his eye and looked back at him, at the white scarf around his neck because he couldn’t force himself to make eye contact.

“I know it’s a lot to drop this on you, but I wanted to tell you because you’re my boyfriend, and I hope you will be for a long time. I- I hope this doesn’t change things between us.” His hands were shaking and with his free hand he grabbed onto a fistfull of tablecloth in an attempt to steady it. He could feel his heart pounding fearfully in his chest. What if Ivan broke up with him? He’d been thinking that ever since he first decided to have this conversation with him. It had begun to become his worst fear.

Ivan furrowed his brows and squeezed Tolys’s hand again. “You are still the same person, yes? You are still my luchik, the same one who made me a delicious dinner and gives me good books to borrow and loves my oatmeal cookies. This does not change anything.”

Tolys gave a small gasp, unable to hold back a smile. He covered his face with his free hand, grinning into his palm. “Thank you,” he whispered. He’d always felt comfortable around Ivan in a way he only felt around a select few people. That was how he initially knew he’d been right to keep dating him. Now, he knew for sure he’d made the right choice, because Ivan still liked him as much as he had before. 

The couple soon fell back into their usual banter, talking about a book they’d both read, and analyzing the themes as though they were literature professors. Tolys finished what was on his plate, while Ivan nearly finished off the entire pot. They sat at the table talking for a long time after dinner was over, barely even noticing Tolys’s roommate’s quiet return from work, or the slow march of the clock.

“I’m telling you, big brother is really supposed to represent our computers and phones and technology. I mean, need I remind you, it’s perfectly legal for surveillance cameras to film us wherever we go. We’re always being watched, and say, if I text you something I want to be private, it isn’t actually private. People can hack into cellular networks- our own cell services can probably see our texts if they want to!” Tolys exclaimed.

Ivan laughed and shook his head. “Orwell was not alive in time to see technology like that. He had TV and Radio and the telephone, but first, these were luxuries. The everyday person could not have access to these. Big brother was an idea- something to scare people. He had no power, and he was nothing. He represents empty threats and fear. The government does not have to actually have a way to watch you, just the idea is enough. They may not have ability to read your texts, but if you think they do, you will not send things that are private.”

“Then how did O’Brien know to catch Julia and Winston? They were being watched, big brother really could see them, like a surveillance camera. If the threats were empty, eventually someone would discover, and it would have caused the whole government there to collapse,” Tolys insisted. 

Around ten, Ivan handed the box he’d brought to Tolys once more, who untied the ribbon and was delighted to find two neat rows of oatmeal cookies inside, half made with raisins and half with toasted walnuts and chocolate chunks. Tolys paused for a moment to eat one of the raisin cookies, then kept on talking, continuing to debate Ivan about how much George Orwell’s ‘1984’ mirrored society. 

It was nearly midnight when Ivan finally glanced at his watch and decided it was time to leave. Tolys walked him to the door, lingering with him in the doorway for a few moments. They’d had such a good time together, he entirely forgot about how nervous he’d felt earlier. Now, he was just content, if not a little disappointed that they couldn’t stay up all night talking.

“There’s something else I wanted to tell you,” he said shyly, still loosely holding onto Ivan’s hand. “You give the best hugs in the world. I’m not just saying that. It’s true. When you hug me it feels like you and I are the only people in the room.” He’d decided it was important Ivan knew that. Tolys had always been a little picky about hugs, mostly because other people never knew how to hug tightly enough. When Ivan hugged him, though, it was tight enough that he could really feel it.

Ivan smiled and let go of Tolys’s hand, then pulled him into a tight bear hug. Tolys hugged back, smiling as he pressed his cheek against Ivan’s chest. He felt safe and cared about, and that was even more reason for why he liked Ivan so much. 

When Ivan pulled away he leaned down and closed his eyes, giving Tolys a quick goodbye kiss. “I will text you when I get home. Sleep well,” he murmured, leaving another kiss on his forehead before he pulled away, and they both said goodbye once more.

Tolys waved at Ivan as he walked down the hallway until he disappeared around the corner. Then, once he’d come back inside his apartment and locked the door, he stood in the entryway, his entire body still buzzing with warmth and happiness.

\----

“Mornin’ sleepyhead,” Feliks said as he watched Tolys enter the kitchen with a yawn. “You were up late last night.”

Tolys smiled and picked up a glass, filling it with water from the sink. He took a sip, then set it down on the counter. “Ivan came over for dinner,” he explained, his fond smile growing even larger.

“Coffee?” Feliks asked, holding out a mug. Tolys gratefully accepted it. “You two looked like you were having fun,” he continued. Ever since the two had met, Feliks had noticed that his roommate seemed happier. He was glad, especially since Tolys tended to be a bit of a downer, sometimes to the point that he’d make himself physically sick with worry. 

“Yeah, we had a good chat about ‘1984’.”

Feliks furrowed his brows in confusion. “What was so special about that year? You weren’t even alive for it.”

“No, the book.” Tolys paused to sip his coffee, then casually added, “I also told him about my autism.”

“How’d that go?”

“I think I’m in love with him.”

Feliks set down his coffee mug and leaned forward. That definitely wasn’t the response he’d expected, but it was exciting nonetheless. “What do you mean?” he asked. Tolys wasn’t the kind of person to quickly start feeling a certain way about other people, but it seemed like everything between him and Ivan went quickly. After all, he’d only seen him once when he developed his initial crush.

Tolys leaned against the counter, a dreamy look in his eyes. He joyfully shook his left hand back and forth as he recalled the previous night. “Things didn’t get awkward between us. I mean, usually when I wait to tell people they’ll act like it’s the most obvious thing in the world and everything makes sense, but then they start to treat me differently. That’s why I told you the day I moved in, since I didn’t want your opinion of me to suddenly change. But Ivan-” Tolys smiled even wider, his hand shaking faster, “he just said that I’m still the same person, I’m still his boyfriend. And he asked what to do if I have a meltdown and told me he wants to know if I’m ever uncomfortable.”

“Oh, Tolys! I’m so happy for you!” Feliks exclaimed. He finished the last of his coffee then jumped up and ran over to hug his roommate. He thought Tolys deserved someone as kind and thoughtful as Ivan. He was a good person, and one of his closest friends. Feliks was just glad he was happy, and that he’d found someone he clicked so well with. 

After Tolys had gently pushed away from the hug, Feliks held on to his shoulders, looking at his smiling face. “You two are like, so perfect for each other. I’m so glad you met him.” Feliks pulled his hands away, then started skipping off towards his bedroom. “I’m working midshift today, so I’ll bring home dinner. What sounds good?” he called from the hallway. 

“How about doner kebab? With extra lamb and no fries on mine?” Tolys called back.

“Got it!” Feliks yelled. He closed the door to his room, then searched around in the pile of clean laundry on his bed until he found a pair of plain blue jeans. He put them on and tucked in a white t-shirt which had ‘Moka Makers’ written on the back in neat script, above a graphic of a steaming coffee cup. As he left his room, he grabbed a canvas bag and put on a pair of sunglasses. “I’ll see ya later. Try not to go crazy missing me,” he told Tolys as he walked back through the kitchen to grab his phone. Tolys gave a little snort of laughter and a small wave as he left.

Feliks rummaged through his bag, eventually finding a little white case. He shook out a pair of headphones and put them on, then turned on some peppy dance music. Today was going to be a good day. His favorite coworker was back after taking a week off to help his brother and his husband move into a new house, and he was excited to see all of his favorite customers again too. He took the elevator down to the first floor of their apartment then walked out, going down the street and turning at the corner to walk past Ivan’s bakery, towards the subway station. There was a sizable line at the bakery, full of people getting bread and pastries for the week. Feliks caught Ivan’s eye through the window and gave him a quick wave, before continuing on his walk.

The subway station wasn’t very busy, and as Feliks tapped his pass and went through the turnstile, his train pulled into the station. He jogged towards it, standing to the side of the door to let off a woman pushing a stroller before getting on and sitting down.

Feliks took the Q line into Manhattan, then switched to the E line and got off on Greenwich Avenue. He tapped his foot along to his music, a smile on his face. 

When he emerged from the subway station, it was as though he’d stepped into a different world. Tiny boutiques and restaurants lined the streets and elegant women with designer clothes chatted on bejeweled iphones and walked chic puppies wearing bows. Feliks tied his hair back into a tight little ponytail and walked into a coffee shop on the street corner. As he went behind the counter another barista ran up and hugged him from behind.

“Feliks!” He exclaimed, and Feliks spun around with a laugh to return the hug.

“Feliciano! I missed you!” he replied, leaning in to kiss both his cheeks.

“I missed you too!”

“How was your week off?”

Feliciano laughed and walked with him into the back room, grabbing a stack of freshly washed mugs off of a drying rack while Feliks clocked in and washed his hands. “It was really fun. Lovi and Toni found a really nice place. It’s only a five minute walk to the beach and the town has the most beautiful square and all this public art, it’s so beautiful. Their neighbors are so sweet, too, they brought us dinner the night I helped move them in, and the whole neighborhood planned a party to welcome them.”

“That sounds perfect, I’m so happy for them,” Feliks said excitedly. He really did have a lot of good reasons to be happy that week, since all of his friends were doing so well. “Tolys had his boyfriend over last night. Things are going well between them, too. They’re like, so cute together… even if the things they talk about are boring and don’t make any sense.”

Feliciano nodded excitedly, saying, “that’s so great! Those two are like, made for each other,” then went back out to put the mugs away. Feliks followed, taking up a position behind an espresso machine. The woman at the register called out an order to him and he grabbed a mug, setting it under the spout. With graceful, practiced movements, he pulled out the filter and scooped coffee into it, pressing it down then pushing it back into the machine. He pressed a button and the machine made a soft whirring noise. Feliks reached down into a refrigerator beneath the counter to grab a carton of milk and poured some into a pitcher. As he began to steam the milk, a customer came up to the counter and started chatting with him. Feliks finished up the drink, pouring the milk into the shape of a heart, all while talking with the woman about the new way she’d decided to do her hair (which Feliks thought was beautiful). He handed her the mug of coffee and waved as she went to sit down in an armchair by the fireplace.

The day went by quickly as Feliks made drink after drink and chatted with his coworkers and the customers. He knew nearly everyone who came in the shop, sometimes to the point where he could start someone’s drink as soon as they walked in. Even though Feliks could be a little shy at times, his job pushed his extroverted side forward, and he found that he was happiest when he was talking with the customers. He loved the relationships he got to build with them and honestly, he found the lives and drama of rich people like them quite interesting. At times he almost felt like he was watching a soap opera unfold around him.

As the afternoon progressed, customers began to leave, until the only people left in the cafe were a few older women holding their book club meeting, a teenager hunched over a textbook, and a group of three businessmen sitting in the corner. Feliks watched as the businessmen stood up, packing their laptops and shaking hands. He’d been eyeing one of the men since he’d come in a few hours prior- he was blonde and somehow managed to look cute and boyish even in a well-tailored suit. 

Feliks had always entertained a little fantasy of having a meet-cute at work, like the kind he read about in romance novels and saw in romantic comedies. He often dreamed that one day maybe he’d drop some napkins and someone would help him pick them up, and they’d lock eyes and immediately fall in love. He knew this didn’t happen to real people, though, so he kept his expectations low. He hadn’t even had a good date in months, there was no reason to get his hopes up.

Feliks yelped when his shoulder was smacked with a wet rag. He turned around and scowled at his coworker, rubbing the spot where she’d hit him. “Erzse! what was that for?” he whined.

“What are you doing getting all dreamy-eyed?” she countered.

“Hey, I’m allowed to look, aren’t I?”

Erzsebet laughed and shook her head. She twisted the towel and Feliks stepped back, thinking she was going to hit him with it again. Instead she pulled it through her belt loop and leaned against the counter, also looking over at the businessman.

The man looked back at Feliks, catching his eye and winking. Feliks blushed and shrank down, trying to hide behind the espresso machine as the man walked towards him. All thoughts of living out a scene in a romantic comedy disappeared, and instead his brain turned into static, flitting between thinking about how he looked so stupid and dorky and thinking about how he could see the businessman’s muscles even under his suit jacket.

“I’m Alfred, Alfred Jones,” the man said suavely, making Feliks turn pink all the way to the tips of his ears. He held out a napkin with a phone number scrawled under a spot where he’d spilled a bit of coffee. Feliks just stammered, unable to form a coherent reply. The static in his brain got louder and he felt like a deer in headlights. The man held his hand to his ear in the shape of a phone and winked again, then turned and left with the other two businessmen. All Feliks could do was nod dumbly as he tried to process what had just happened.

“Wow. I thought in your ideal meet-cute you at least would have been able to say thank you.”

Feliks snapped back to reality and turned to Erzsebet, swatting at her. “Shut up,” he mumbled, cheeks still red. This was the closest he’d ever gotten to living out his little fantasy, even if he had been too flustered to talk and the other man had left right after giving him his number. “This is the best day of my life,” he said, making Erzsebet roll her eyes.

\----

“I want to see you again, Feliks,” Alfred said.

Feliks blushed and looked down at his lap. No, their first date hadn’t been great. At least, he didn’t think so. Alfred talked a lot, and he was loud and obnoxious. Feliks found that he really wasn’t interested in hearing about all of his startup ideas, or about the superhero movies he was into. He also was a little insulted that every time Alfred asked him about himself, he’d piggyback onto his answers and end up talking for a long time. Feliks could barely get a word in edgewise.

He decided he didn’t want to be rude, though, so he replied, “sure, how about we get coffee again next week?”

Alfred’s eyes lit up and he nodded excitedly. Feliks did find his enthusiasm cute. Maybe it was a good idea to go on another date. After all, they’d only known each other for a little over two hours. They probably just needed more time together.

“I’ve got to get going. I really liked meeting you, though. I think you and I really have something. D’you think I could kiss you goodbye?”

Feliks hesitated before nodding. He never kissed on the first date, but he also wasn’t going to just refuse and push Alfred away. Alfred stood up and leaned over to give him a quick peck on the lips, then said goodbye and left, turning around twice to wave at Feliks. He returned the waves halfheartedly, then sighed as he picked up his and Alfred’s empty dishes and brought them back to the counter. 

Erzsebet leaned against the other side, crossing her arms. “How’d it go?” she asked, slightly concerned at Feliks’s annoyed expression.

Feliks shrugged and looked down at the granite countertop, drawing little circles on it with his finger. “It wasn’t great. He talks a lot. Like, way more than even I do. I barely got to say anything.” Above all, he was disappointed. Alfred was so good looking, but his personality was awful.

“You let him kiss you before he left.”

“Yeah. He has a few redeeming qualities. I’m going to give him a chance. Maybe he didn’t give the best first impression, but that doesn’t mean things are over.”

Erzsebet looked down at him, one of her eyebrows raised. “Alright. As long as you’re happy,” she paused and straightened back up, pulling a rag out from her belt loop and wiping down the counter where she’d leaned against it. “Remember, though, just because the way you met him looked cool or you think he looks hot doesn’t mean you’re meant to be. If your second date doesn’t go well either, don’t push it. I don’t want you to make yourself unhappy.”

\----

There was a loud sound outside Tolys’s apartment, almost like an explosion. It was followed by the rushing of water and Tolys and Ivan went to the window, looking out to see what was going on. On the street below, a group of workers were standing around a large break in the sidewalk, watching a stream of water spray into the air. As they stood there, the pavement began to crumble, cracking the street. The workers quickly sprang up, hauling large orange cones out of their trucks and placing them around the area, while one man stood at the end of the street, directing traffic away.

“I knew I should not have parked there,” Ivan sighed. He looked down at his car, which was inside the area the workers were now surrounding with caution tape.

Tolys looked up at him, frowning. “Oh, no… do you think they’ll let you out?”

Ivan shrugged. “I will go check. Wait here.”

Tolys turned and watched his boyfriend leave the apartment, then leaned out of the window. He was mostly worried that Ivan’s car would end up falling into the sinkhole and getting damaged. Their date was the last thing on his mind. After a few minutes, he saw Ivan’s tiny figure on the sidewalk below. He went up to one of the workers and Tolys watched him gesture as he spoke to him, pointing at his car. It wasn’t long before Ivan disappeared once more and came back into the apartment, shaking his head in defeat.

“They said I cannot move my car, it could cause more problems and they do not want it to fall in while I am in it.”

Tolys turned away from the window and reached out to take Ivan’s hand. He frowned, still concerned that the car could get damaged or fall in.

“I am sorry. I don’t think I can find a way for us to go on our date,” Ivan said sadly. He looked down at Tolys’s hand and rubbed the back of his thumb. 

“No, it’s okay. We can still have a date here. Besides, what we do doesn’t really matter. What’s most important is that your car is alright.”

Ivan furrowed his brow, still looking sad. “But I was going to take you to the aquarium.”

“We can go another day. We’ll find something fun to do here,” Tolys promised. He smiled up at Ivan and squeezed his hand. To him, it didn’t really matter where they went or what they did. Dates weren’t as much about activities as they were about spending time together.

Ivan nodded hesitantly. He’d planned out the perfect day for them, deciding he would drive Tolys to the aquarium so they could look at the fish, and picking out a cute little pizza restaurant where they could have dinner. It was too cold to walk, though, and Tolys didn’t have a car. His plan was ruined, and he was still a little upset about that.

“Come on, we’ll find something to do,” Tolys said, still cheerful. He was just glad to be with his boyfriend, regardless of what they did. Still holding Ivan’s hand, he brought him to his bedroom and started rummaging through the shelves, looking for something. Ivan sat down on the edge of his bed, careful not to mess up the neatly folded sheets. 

“Aha!” Tolys exclaimed, then turned around, holding a box. “Have you ever played Risk before?” Ivan shook his head, moving to sit on the floor as Tolys did so. He watched the man take the top off the box and carefully unfold a board. 

“Here, I’ll teach you,” he picked up a stack of cards and looked through them, pulling out three and putting them back in the box. He set them down on the floor, then picked out a bag of green pieces, which he took for himself, a bag of yellow pieces which he placed next to the board, then a bag of red pieces, which he handed to Ivan. “The red ones are your army, the green ones are mine, and the yellow are neutral, since only two of us are playing,” he explained. Next, he opened his plastic bag and placed a piece on the map, right over the little outline labeled ‘Ukraine’. He instructed Ivan to place one of his pieces, then picked out a yellow piece and closed his eyes, randomly plopping it down on the map. The first time he did that, it ended up in the ocean, making them both burst out laughing.

It didn’t take long for Ivan to figure out how to play the game, but no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t figure out how to get past Tolys. He had a good strategy and refused to go easy on him. Ivan quickly forgot about his disappointment as he got caught up in trying to beat Tolys.

Tolys won easily, but Ivan wasn’t ready to accept defeat. They played again, only pausing when Tolys heard the front door unlock. He looked up a few moments later to see Feliks standing in his doorway, looking down at them.

“I thought you two were like, going to the aquarium.”

“There was a water main break. I cannot move my car until it is fixed,” Ivan explained.

Feliks raised his eyebrows, his mouth forming a little o. “So that’s why the whole street was blocked off!” he exclaimed, then frowned. “Are you spending the night?”

Tolys glanced over at Ivan, who nodded, then up at Feliks. “Is that alright?” he asked, nervously tapping the backs of his fingers together. Even though he knew in the back of his mind that his roommate didn’t really care what he did, and often brought people home without asking permission, Tolys was still worried Feliks would say no. After all, he’d never been in this situation before.

“Oh yeah, I don’t mind. Just don’t throw any parties without inviting me,” Feliks winked and turned away, closing the door to his bedroom. Tolys looked back down at the board, taking a moment to process what had just happened. Ivan was spending the night! He went back to tapping his fingers together, then looked up at Ivan. He didn’t know what to say, still not really sure how to approach the situation, but thankfully Ivan did.

“Is this your first time having someone spend the night?”

“I’ve had my brothers over, but it was always planned out, and they just slept on the couch. I’ve never had anyone else sleep over, not even my friends,” he admitted.

“That is okay. Do you want me to sleep on the couch, or in your bed with you?” he watched Tolys’s expression, noticing his eyes darken as he struggled to answer, then added, “I do not mind either way. I just want you to be comfortable.”

“In my bed with me…” Tolys mumbled, slightly embarrassed. He’d thought a few times before about what it would be like to sleep next to Ivan, but he hadn’t thought it would happen for a long time. He’d also thought about sleeping with Ivan, but he didn’t feel at all ready for that yet. He took a few seconds to think, then said, “I don’t want to have sex. Just sleep.”

Ivan nodded understandingly. “Of course. It is okay if I beat you at Risk, though, yes?” his voice turned teasing and Tolys laughed with relief, leaning forward to gently push his shoulder. 

“We’ll see about that!”

They played for another few hours, Tolys beating Ivan once more. Just as their game ended, Feliks returned to stand in the doorway and let them know that the food he’d ordered for them had arrived. They quickly packed up the board game and went to grab bowls of Chinese takeout from the kitchen. Usually Tolys would eat at the kitchen table, but Feliks was already there, with his homework spread out around him.

“Do you want to eat on the couch and watch a movie?” Tolys offered. Ivan accepted so they sat down next to each other, Tolys pulling a blanket over their laps and turning on the TV. “What do you like to watch?” he asked, hoping he was doing all the things a good host would.

Ivan shrugged, watching Tolys scroll through the list of Netflix movies. He thought Tolys was cute when he was focused, he’d get a certain calculating look on his face, almost as though cogs and gears were turning in his brain.

“Well- it’s probably really nerdy and you can say no, but I really like documentaries. I was planning to watch one about tropical birds in the Amazon,” Tolys mumbled, quickly busying himself with pushing his beef and broccoli away from his fried rice, making sure the sauces didn’t mix. He worried that Ivan wouldn’t want to watch a documentary, or that he’d accept to make him happy and end up sitting there, watching something he hated.

“That sounds interesting,” Ivan replied, reaching out to tilt up Tolys’s chin so he could see the sincerity in his smile. “I like documentaries, really. Not as much as books but if they are done well, they can be very interesting.” 

Tolys brightened up and set down his fork, then scrolled back up and found the documentary. He paused before hitting play, then turned back to Ivan. “I don’t mind talking during movies. Sometimes I do it too, but tell me if it’s annoying.” He waited until Ivan nodded to show he understood, then turned the documentary on.

Ivan had no trouble getting into the documentary, particularly because he found himself genuinely enjoying Tolys’s occasionally commentary. He mostly just added in little facts he knew about the animals or their habitat, which Ivan thought was cute. Feliks, however, would sometimes look over and say something insignificant about how pretty the birds were, which made both men roll their eyes.

After the documentary was over and everyone had their fair share of dinner, Tolys got up and took everyone’s plate. He started washing them, along with the rest of the pile in the sink (most of which had been created by Feliks). Ivan got up and joined him, helping to dry the dishes and put them away with some instruction from Tolys. This made him smile, and his heart fluttered. He thought it was sweet that Ivan always helped out, even if he wasn’t obligated to. 

“I think I have an extra toothbrush for you. And if you want you can take a shower before bed,” Tolys said once he’d finished the dishes and was drying his hands.

“No, I am alright. I like morning showers.”

“I’m going to go take a shower, then. You can hang out in my room or bug Feliks.”

“I don’t bite!” Feliks called over, making Ivan chuckle. Tolys stood on his tiptoes to kiss Ivan’s cheek, then went off to shower. He wasn’t at all worried about leaving Ivan, since he knew that he and Feliks got along well. 

Ivan sat down at the table across from Feliks, looking down at all the papers he had laying around.

“You are studying?” he asked, both curious about what Feliks was doing and wanting to make sure he didn’t disturb him.

“Yeah, I’ve been doing a research project on how dance affects the brain. It’s been like, really interesting. I’m teamed up with my friend who’s studying neuroscience, and we took MRI scans of people’s brains, so I’m looking through them,” he paused and shuffled the papers around, before picking up two sheets, each with an image of a blobby, round shape. Different colors lit up different parts of the shape, and Feliks pointed at a bright red region in one of the pictures. “So this is called the ventral striatum, and it’s the part of the brain that lights up when you’re happy. This is a scan of my brain after I watched a video of someone dancing. Cool, right?” Feliks didn’t usually think science was very cool or worth casually talking to his friends about, but he was holding a picture of his brain in his hand, and he honestly thought that was pretty interesting.

Ivan nodded, leaning forward to get a better look at the pictures. “And what are you learning from this?”

“Well, I’m still reviewing all the data, but we had a group of people who aren’t dancers, and a group of people like me, who are. The dancers get the happiest when they watch videos of people dancing, because like, they associate it strongly with reward. Like…” he pursed his lips, looking for a way to explain it. “Our hypothesis is that even though dance can be entertaining for everyone, for us dancers it’s like, special. I know how I feel when I’m performing, and when I’ve finished a successful performance. The reward for me is that I’ve gotten to entertain all these people. There’s also like, adrenaline and stuff…” he laughed awkwardly, knowing he wasn’t doing a great job with his explanation. “I’m not really a science-y person,” he admitted.

“This is still very interesting. What kind of dance do you do?”

“Ballet, mostly. I dance at school, and with the Russian-American Ballet.”

Ivan raised his eyebrows. “My sister dances with the Russian-American Ballet. Do you know Natalya Arlovskaya?”

Feliks leaned forward excitedly, a few papers falling to the floor. “Of course I do! We perform together a lot and we’ve been working together on planning a choreography class for the summer intensive!”

Ivan grinned and reached out to squeeze Feliks’s shoulder in a fond, almost brotherly way. “I will tell her I saw you. She has mentioned you before- not your name, but she says you are very good dancer.”

Ivan sat back and took out his phone, looking through his texts while he waited for Tolys to finish his shower. Thankfully his sisters had anticipated he’d be gone for the evening and went ahead and did the night’s baking, and the next day was a Sunday, so they didn’t open until noon. The bakery was only a few blocks away, and he could always come back for his car later. He rarely drove, usually only if someone requested a delivery.

“Are you about ready to go to bed?”

Ivan looked up to see Tolys standing in the kitchen, wearing a baggy t-shirt and some worn flannel pants. He was rubbing his forearm nervously, blushing a little. All he could think about while he showered was that for the first time in his life, he was sharing a bed with his boyfriend. He was a little worried that Ivan wouldn’t fit, since he was so tall he had to stoop to enter doorways. Even more, he was worried about doing things wrong- what if he didn’t know how to cuddle properly or he snored and didn’t even know it?” 

Ivan nodded and stood up, intertwining their hands. They walked back down the hallway, Tolys leading him into a little bathroom at the end. The mirror was still foggy from Tolys’s shower, and the room was warm. Tolys knelt down and searched through a few drawers before finding a little package of toothbrushes. He pulled the last one out and handed it to Ivan, then pushed aside a few containers of makeup scattered on the vanity to grab his own toothbrush and a tube of toothpaste.

They brushed their teeth, Tolys giving a startled laugh when Ivan kissed his cheek, leaving behind some toothpaste bubbles. They shared a minty kiss after both had rinsed their mouths, then went to Tolys’s bedroom, Ivan closing the door behind them. He hadn’t brought any pajamas, so he just took off his jeans, sweater, and scarf, leaving himself in boxers and a t-shirt. He set his clothes in a neat pile on the floor next to his shoes then stood off to the side, waiting for Tolys to decide how things were going to go. 

“I usually read a little before bed, is that okay?” Tolys asked nervously. While he’d showered, he’d debated not reading at all, but he also knew he wouldn’t be able to sleep if he didn’t read beforehand. He stooped down to turn on the lamp next to his bed, then turned off the ceiling light. His bedroom was bathed in a warm glow, making it feel even more cozy.

“Sure,” Ivan replied. He carefully pulled back the blankets on Tolys’s bed, getting in and laying with his side pressed against the wall. Tolys’s bed wasn’t ridiculously small, but it wasn’t very large either. If Ivan stretched out all the way, his feet dangled off the end.

Tolys sat down next to him, at first sitting stiffly and glancing nervously over at his boyfriend. They’d cuddled on the couch before, but never in bed.

“Find a position that makes you comfortable. I do not mind,” Ivan reassured him. He wrapped a strong arm around Tolys’s waist, gently pulling him closer. Tolys scooted until he was sitting right against Ivan, then took a few moments to adjust until he found a good position, laying down with his head against Ivan’s chest. He grabbed the book off of his nightstand, finding the page he’d dog-eared and picking up where he’d last left off. Ivan made a mental note to buy him some proper bookmarks.

For a while, Ivan looked over Tolys’s shoulder, reading little pieces of the story. He stroked Tolys’s long, slightly damp hair, then moved to wrap an arm around him, closing his eyes. Tolys smelled like fresh linens and pine, and when he put his book away and turned over to kiss Ivan, he tasted like mint and his fingers smelled like a dusty old bookstore.

Tolys reached over to turn the light off then rolled back to face Ivan, their faces just inches away. He was surprised at how natural it felt, and the nervous butterflies in his stomach were quickly replaced with the same warm glow he got when Ivan kissed him. Ivan’s eyes were still closed, but when he felt the warmth of Tolys’s breath on his collarbone, he could tell he was smiling.

Ivan ran his hand through Tolys’s hair and rested it on his lower back. He waited a few moments, before whispering in Russian, “I was worried I was going to disappoint you, since we couldn’t do the date I had planned. I thought you weren’t going to end up having any fun, and it was going to hurt our relationship. But…” he paused to kiss Tolys again, “I had a really great time today. It didn’t matter that we weren’t at the aquarium. What mattered was that we got to be together. That was important.”

A comfortable silence lapsed between them for a few minutes before Tolys responded, also in Russian, “I had a really fun time too. It seems like anything is fun when I do it with you. Ivan, I want you to know, I really like you.”

Now it was Ivan’s turn to blush.

\----

It was too late to back out now.

Feliks was standing outside the cafe, bundled up in a metallic silver coat and a rainbow scarf he’d knitted. He’d run there from dance class, not even taking the time to change because he was worried Alfred had been stuck outside waiting for him. Instead, Alfred was nowhere in sight, and his legs were freezing in his dance tights. He felt stupid for agreeing to meet out front.

Just as Feliks thought he was going to get frostbite, he saw Alfred, casually sauntering towards him in a smart felt jacket with a computer bag hanging off his shoulder. His first instinct was to ask what took him so long but he bit back his tongue, instead just greeting him with a hello.

“Hi! How’s it going?” Alfred opened the door to the coffee shop and went inside, not bothering to hold it for Feliks. He quickly followed, letting out a sigh of relief as a blast of warmth hit him. He was still unhappy with Alfred for being late to their date, but he kept his mouth shut. There was no reason to start off on a bad note.

“I’m good, just finished up a dance class. Sorry I’m still in my tights,” he smiled and looked up at Alfred, who was staring at the menu boards above the counter. Feliks’s face fell and he looked down at his snow-covered boots. He told himself to stop overthinking, and that his date wasn’t purposely trying to ignore him, but he still felt insulted.

Alfred walked up to the counter, not even acknowledging that he’d heard what Feliks said. He instead looked over at the pastry display, licking his lips as he stared at a huge slice of chocolate cake. The man ordered the cake, as well as a decadent hot chocolate covered in whipped cream. Feliks just ordered a doppio espresso. He wasn’t in the mood for sweets, and subconsciously he wanted the date to be over quickly.

They sat down at a table and before Feliks had even taken his coat off, Alfred started talking. Feliks tried to follow him, but his legs were sore and aching and he just began to involuntarily tune him out. When the barista brought their drinks and Alfred’s food, Feliks downed the espresso in one quick gulp, not even adding sugar or cream. He shook his head a little as though trying to shake away his exhaustion.

“...and I was so scared, I couldn’t sleep for three weeks. I thought the clown was going to burst out of my closet and get me!”

Feliks nodded, staring down at a brown stain in his empty cup. It looked a little like a bowling pin, or a fly swatter, depending on which way he rotated it. Either way, he found it infinitely more interesting than whatever Alfred was talking about.

“You don’t like scary movies, do you?”

Feliks looked up, blinking as he processed the question. He quickly shook his head, hoping that was the right answer.

“Oh, that’s alright! We’ll watch them together, we can hold each others’ hands if either of us get scared, and maybe we’ll have the same nightmares, like telekinesis!”

Feliks’s eyes widened at the thought of holding hands with Alfred. No- he didn’t want that. He shook his head again, looking around. Alfred was talking so loudly that people were staring at them, and his cheeks heated up with shame. He looked back up at the man across from him, still frowning. 

“Alfred-”

The man closed his mouth, seeming a little startled at being cut off. “Yeah?” he asked.

“Look, I don’t think this is working out.”

“You… don’t?” his face fell and he looked a little hurt. Feliks pressed his lips together, his stomach twisting with remorse. Why did he have to feel so bad? It wasn’t his fault the date wasn’t going well. In fact, it was really Alfred’s.

“I’m sorry,” he sighed and pressed his forehead into his palm, “I just don’t think you’re my type. I thought it was a good idea to give you a chance, but we’re really not meant to be together.” He considered adding something about Alfred being handsome, to make him feel better, but decided not to push it. Instead he stood up, pulling his jacket back on and wrapping his scarf around his face. He apologized again, then, before Alfred could say anything more, turned and walked out of the coffee shop. It was better to end things quickly, rather than linger and risk having to explain himself. He didn’t want to have to tell Alfred all the reasons he found his personality so unpleasant.

As he walked back toward the subway, Feliks felt his stomach churn. He glanced back in the direction of the cafe, then quickly continued on his way, worried if he stopped for too long he’d run into Alfred again. He wasn’t taking that risk, he’d already had enough awkward for one day.

Feliks put in his headphones, trying to drown out his thoughts with music. He hated bad dates, probably even more than the average person. More specifically, he hated bad dates because they were all he seemed to get now. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d had a good date and with the way things were going, he didn’t know if he would ever would.


	2. Soy Hot Chocolate

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi all! I truly apologize for how long this update took- I edited and revised quite a bit in order to make this chapter the best it could be. I'm really pleased with the final result, and I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I did writing it!
> 
> I do want to quickly address my decision to make Francis a police officer. I originally planned this chapter weeks ago when I first started writing, and the world has changed a lot since then. I kept the chapter as-is, because changing it would require rewriting the whole thing and affect some of the later plot. It's important for me to share that even though Francis is portrayed as a 'good cop', there's actually no such thing as a good cop, not in a system as damaged as ours. I strongly believe that acab and that it is essential to defund the police. If you are able, please protest. If not, please donate to organizations like the ACLU and the Black Lives Matter Global Network. If unable to donate, please sign petitions, share information, and educate yourself on the history of racism and police brutality in America. Remember: "If you are neutral in situations of injustice, you have chosen the side of the opressor." (-Desmond Tutu)

“You had the vanilla iced coffee, right?” Feliks asked the woman standing at the counter as nicely as he could. She was one of those customers who always had a problem- her coffee was too sweet, or it wasn’t sweet enough, or she wanted the fireplace on, or other customers were too loud. Feliks dreaded serving her because no matter how much he smiled or how sweetly he spoke, she found a reason to yell at him.

“It’s about time,” the woman barked, grabbing the glass out of his hand. She walked over to the condiment counter, pouring in some milk, then put in a straw and took a sip. Feliks waited apprehensively.

The woman turned around, a grimace on her face. She walked up to the counter, holding her coffee out as though it offended her.

“Is- is something wrong?” Feliks asked, his heart pounding. 

“As a matter of fact, yes! I come here every week, and you still haven’t learned to make my drink right! It’s too cold this time, there’s too much ice. You should be fired!” she thrust her drink forward, some of it splashing on the counter. Feliks stepped back fearfully. The woman’s voice got louder as she continued to berate him, causing customers to stare. “I am never coming back here again! I want my money back!”

“I’m sorry ma’am, I can give you a ref-”

“You don’t get it! You keep wasting my money and my time! Here, you can take your shit drink back too!”

Before Feliks knew it, the woman threw the glass at him. It hit him in the chest, dumping cold coffee all over him. The glass fell to the floor and shattered into pieces. Feliks felt tears well up in his eyes, and he tried to say something, but words wouldn’t come out, and the corners of his mouth were turning down out of their own accord.

“Hey, what the fuck? You can’t treat people like that.” Erzsebet came to Feliks’s rescue, coming to stand between him and the woman. He shrank back, feeling an arm wrap around him. 

“I’ve got you,” Feliciano murmured, walking him to the back room. Feliks hid his face shamefully, embarrassed that all their customers had seen someone throw a drink at him and make him cry. 

Feliciano guided him to sit in the chair at the manager’s desk, and grabbed a rag to wipe at his chin and neck. Feliks sobbed, his face red and hot with tears. He faintly heard Erzsebet yelling, and the angry voices of customers joining her. 

“I’m sorry, ‘Liks. She shouldn’t have treated you like that,” Feliciano said. He took another rag and gently wiped at Feliks’s wet cheeks. “Don’t worry, we’ll make sure she isn’t allowed back, and she gets in trouble for that.” He leaned forward and wrapped an arm around Feliks, who hugged him back, still sobbing into his shoulder.

“I-I didn’t think… I don’t get why she’s always so mean. I always try to make her drink right,” Feliks whimpered. 

Feliciano gently shushed him, rubbing circles onto his back. “Sometimes people are just like that. It’s not your fault, or anyone else’s but their own.”

Feliks hiccupped and nodded against Feliciano’s arm. He knew it wasn’t his fault, he’d been dealing with that woman for months now. She was just mean, and it was comforting to know that people had his back. He couldn’t help but smile when he heard Erzsebet’s voice one last time, then the sound of the door being shoved open. 

“You should go home. I can take your shift,” Feliciano said softly. He gave a gentle kiss to the top of Feliks’s head, then carefully pulled away, going over to the hooks on the wall to rummage through his backpack. “Here, you can borrow my sweatshirt. I don’t want you to have to go out covered in coffee.”

Feliks stood up, wiping his face with his palm. He sniffled and nodded, a small smile of relief on his face. He took off his shirt, which now had a large brown coffee stain on the front, and accepted Feliciano’s sweatshirt. Even though they were both about the same size, the sweatshirt was intentionally large and baggy. Feliks pulled the hood over his head, feeling cozy and protected. He put his dirty shirt in his backpack and pulled out his headphones for the trip home, then clocked out for the day. 

Feliciano had gone back out to help Erzsebet, but as soon as he saw Feliks emerge from the back room, he put the store phone on hold, and ran over to hug him again. Erzsebet finished making a drink, then came over and joined the hug.

“Don’t worry, I took care of that bitch,” she reassured him softly, her no-nonsense tone bringing a smile to Feliks’s face.

He whispered a thank you, quickly hugging both of his coworkers back. It struck him for a moment how lucky he was to work with people who took such good care of him, and he almost felt like he was going to cry again. This time, though, it would have been from joy.

After a few seconds, Erzsebet and Feliciano pulled away. They said goodbye, then Feliks put in his headphones and left, tugging on the hoodie’s drawstring to hide himself more from anyone who looked at him. He wasn’t ready to think about what had happened that day, though. It was too fresh in his mind, and he just needed some time to rest and think about other things.

As he got on the subway, Feliks tugged the neck of the sweatshirt up to cover his nose and mouth. It was soft and warm, and it smelled good, like rich coffee and a little bit of the spicy cologne Feliciano wore sometimes when he wanted to seem fancy. He breathed in deeply, thoughts of comfort and home pushing away any remaining upset.

\----

“Hey, Feliks?” 

Tolys’s voice was soft and gentle as he knocked on the door to his roommate’s bedroom. Feliks had come home from work much earlier than he’d expected, and he’d locked himself in his room for the rest of the day. Rather than annoy him, Tolys just left him alone. He could decide if and when he wanted to tell him what was wrong. 

Feliks was glad for the space. He’d talk to Tolys about what had happened later, once he’d had the time to process it. That was usually what they did when one of them went through something difficult, though usually it was Tolys who needed space after a particularly overwhelming day or a meltdown. He was surprised, though, to hear a knock on his door, and mumbled, “Leave me alone.”

“Feliciano’s here, he wants to see you.”

Feliks sat up, a throw blanket falling away. He smoothed back his hair, which was messy from laying on his bed all day. “He can come in,” he replied. Even though he was still hurt from having a drink thrown at him and wasn’t really in the mood to talk to anyone, he decided there was no point in turning Feliciano away. He didn’t want to be rude, not when Feliciano was so unconditionally kind to him.

The door to his room gently creaked open and Feliciano walked in, balancing a paper bag and a drink tray in his free hand. He closed the door behind himself, then set the things down on Feliks’s desk.

“How are you doing?” he asked softly, concern evident in his voice.

Feliks set his phone down by his pillow and curled his legs up against his chest. He let Feliciano hand him a warm to-go cup, and he sipped at it, tasting his favorite soy hot chocolate. He took another sip, then looked up at his friend, a small frown on his lips. “I don’t want to talk about it,” he decided. Even though he was perfectly comfortable being emotional around Feliciano, at that moment he didn’t feel like it. 

“Alright. I brought Tolys a drink too, and I got some of the day-old pastries for you guys. There’s a jelly donut in there for you- plum jam, I know that’s your favorite.”

Feliks smiled and relaxed his position, pushing his blanket to the side so Feliciano could come and sit with him. Feliciano wrapped an arm around him and laid his head against his shoulder. They’d always been the kind of friends to cuddle, they were close like that, and Feliciano came from a culture where it was common to show physical affection with friends. Feliks had always liked that, since his other friends tended to only like the occasional hug, and since Tolys had met Ivan, he always complained that Feliks’s hugs weren’t right, and he could barely feel them.

For a while, the two just sat in silence. Feliks sipped at his hot chocolate, resting the edge of the lid against his lower lip. Feliciano played with his hair, gently combing his fingers through it to tame the side that had gotten tangled.

Eventually, Feliciano shifted his weight to the side so he could turn, facing Feliks at an angle. The other man looked a little confused and he leaned back against the wall, lowering the cup of coffee so it rested between the tops of his thighs and his stomach. 

“Feliks…” he murmured, reaching out to gently touch his cheek as he turned his head away, pulling him back into the moment. Feliks was stubborn, and when he got into one of his moods, it was difficult to get him out. Feliciano wasn’t just going to let him stew, though- not when avoiding the problem would just make it worse. 

“Feli, I told you-”

“No.” Feliciano pulled his hand away, running it through his hair and taking a breath. For a moment he worried he’d spoken too harshly, but he made himself keep talking, even if Feliks looked uncomfortable. “We’re going to talk about what happened this morning. I just want to make sure you’re okay.”

Feliks sighed and set his cup on his nightstand. He laid back down with a little huff, his head landing in Feliciano’s lap. “I’m fine. I just needed to like, go home and be alone.”

“Are you really fine?” 

Feliks groaned and turned his head to the side, the bridge of his nose pressing into the side of Feliciano’s knee. He knew he wasn’t fine- first and foremost, he was embarrassed. All of the customers, all the people who saw him as a cheerful face, unfazed by early morning rushes or spilled milk, had seen him cry. Second, as a sort of extension of that, he knew he wouldn’t just be able to get rid of what had happened. People would talk about it, and he had a feeling Erzsebet had reported it to the shop’s owner. He wouldn’t be surprised if the next day he came in to find all of the managers and supervisors having a meeting about him and the customer.

“It’s okay not to be fine,” Feliciano murmured. He separated a small section of blonde hair above Feliks’s ear and started braiding it. 

“I just want to forget about this. I want things to go back the way they were.”

“I know,” Feliciano whispered. “That’s kind of why I’m worried.”

Feliks turned his head to look up at him, a puzzled look on his face.

“I can tell you take the whole customer service persona to the extreme. We all do it, we have to in order to put up with people who aren’t always… aren’t always nice,” he sighed and stroked his thumb over the soft wisps of hair below Feliks’s ear. “Erzse and I both know it’s different for you, since you’re not extroverted like us. I assume pretending to always be happy and in the mood to chat is really exhausting. I just want to make sure you don’t end up hurting yourself doing that. I don’t want to see you get burned out.”

Feliks frowned and stared down at his yellow polka dot sheets. He opened his mouth, then closed it, knowing he didn’t have anything to say yet. Again, they lapsed into silence, as he thought. Working was like playing pretend- behind the bar he was Feliks the barista, who was just dying to know who Gladys had run into at the store or who Georgia had matched with on Tinder. Feliks the barista was chatty and friendly, and still managed to laugh and smile under pressure. Feliks the barista was exhausting, though, and by the end of the day, the real Feliks would feel an intense exhaustion worse even than the aching in his feet or the soreness in his back. 

“It’s hard,” he finally replied. “I’m…” he chewed his lip, tensing his jaw as he gnawed. “I’m worried I’ll forget how to act. What if I slip up and don’t say hello to someone or I start getting annoyed and let it show?”

“You’re not going to get fired-”

“That’s not what I’m worried about.” Feliks shifted onto his back, staring up at the little shadow of a moustache above Feliciano’s upper lip. “I don’t want to piss people off and like, ruin the relationships I’ve worked so hard for. I won’t have fun at all if all the customers hate me.”

Feliciano nodded understandingly. He looked down at Feliks, their eyes meeting. “Erzse’s giving you a few days off of floor work. You’ll still come in, but there’s other stuff that needs to get done- the fridges need cleaning and the new coffee grinder needs to be set up. That way you can rest a little, and hopefully you’ll start to feel better.”

It took a few moments for Feliks to think over the offer. He definitely needed a few days without much interaction with customers- especially because that weekend was his beginning ballet class’s recital, and even though he only taught the class for an hour, it was much more draining than even an all-day shift at work. Still, the part of him that still felt the shame of having everyone see him cry wanted to just quit on the spot. It would be a stupid idea to leave such a good job, especially when he barely made anything from his second job and needed to pay rent and tuition, among other things. It was tempting, though, to just take the easy way out.

“Could I… could I at least have tomorrow off?”

Feliciano shook his head sadly. “You have to come in. I don’t want to scare you or anything but the police are sending someone by tomorrow to talk to you.”

Feliks shot up, eyebrows furrowing. “No!” he gasped, fear in his eyes. He knew he hadn’t done anything wrong, but he didn’t want to drag things out for longer than necessary. “Why can’t this just be over?” he pleaded, shoulders sagging with defeat as Feliciano hugged him.

“What that woman did was considered assault. She could have really hurt you. The police are going to get her banned and she could end up having to pay a fine or something like that. They’re going to get her in trouble because what she did was wrong. You want that, don’t you?”

“I- no! I just like, want this to be done and I want my life to like, go back to normal.”

Feliciano patted Feliks’s shoulder. “I know,” he whispered. He felt bad for bringing up that the police had been contacted, but Feliks would have found out sooner or later. It was probably best that he was hearing this then from him, rather than finding it out the next day as he walked into work and saw officers waiting for him.

Feliks leaned into his arms and closed his eyes. “You should leave. I want to be alone now. I- here, you can have your sweater back too,” he pulled away and started to take off the sweatshirt, pausing when Feliciano took his hands and intertwined their fingers.

“You don’t have to give it back yet, you look comfy in it. Besides, now you have another reason to come back to work- you’ll have to bring me my sweatshirt.”

Feliks smiled gratefully. He closed his eyes once more and pressed his forehead into Feliciano’s shoulder. “I’m glad you’re my best friend,” he murmured, unable to help smiling again when Feliciano pressed a gentle kiss to the top of his head.

“Me too.”

\----

“You are… very dressed up,” Ivan raised an eyebrow at Tolys’s smart sweater vest and the knot of the blue necktie peeking out of the top.

Tolys blushed, looking down at his clothing. “I- do I not look good?” he asked, face falling.

Ivan quickly cupped his chin and tilted his head back up to meet his gaze. Tolys looked away bashfully, their eyes only meeting for a second. “You look handsome. I feel underdressed now,” he chuckled softly at his own hoodie and flour-dusted jeans. Even though they were just going to a toddler ballet recital, he wished he would have put on something nicer.

Tolys could navigate through the theater much more easily than Ivan, which made him feel a little embarrassed. Even though his sister had been teaching ballet classes at the academy for years, he’d only seen a few of her performances, and never a class recital. He knew that Tolys, on the other hand, went to every single one of Feliks’s performances, and tried to watch his class’s recitals as often as he could. He found it sweet that Tolys was so thoughtful and dedicated.

They turned down a hallway and walked towards a set of open doors leading into a large auditorium. Ivan glanced at the bulletin board by the entrance, which was plastered with an assortment of advertisements in both Russian and English. One for his bakery sat at the bottom, with an ad for a daycare tacked over the corner. He fixed the paper, so his advertisement was at the front. Tolys snorted a little at the fussing.

As they walked into the auditorium, Tolys noticed a tall woman walking along the stage, setting down a line of colorful rubber dots. He looked up at Ivan, immediately noticing the resemblance, and confirmed, “that’s Natalya, right?”

“Yes. You have not met her before?”

Tolys shrugged. “I’ve met so many of Feliks’s dance friends that I wouldn’t remember.”

Ivan nodded understandingly, then took his hand and pulled him along, down to the stage. Natalya set down the last dot then straightened up, gracefully fixing the ribbon that held back her silvery hair. Even just going about the motions of life, she carried herself with pride and composure, a dancer through and through.

“You are the Tolys I have heard so much about?” she asked, looking down at him from the stage. Tolys swallowed as he nodded, feeling intimidated. Her Russian was much faster than Ivan’s, the words clipped almost as though she was in a hurry. “You had better take good care of my brother, got it?” Tolys searched for a hint that she was joking, but couldn’t find any. He didn’t know if he just didn’t understand her yet, or if her words were truly meant to be as harsh as they sounded.

Ivan seemed to notice he was uncomfortable, and wrapped an arm protectively around him. “My Toryushka is taking perfectly good care of me.” Even though he spoke lightheartedly, he shot his sister a glare, telling her to cut it out. She was always worried he’d end up in a relationship with someone she didn’t deem good enough for him, and it led her to become overprotective, almost to an extreme.

They were cut off by the sound of toddlers yelling, and Tolys turned to see a small group of girls, all dressed up in pink tutus. He and Ivan stepped back, going to sit at one end of the first row, as the girls swarmed around Natalya. 

Parents had begun to fill in as well, and Tolys glanced up at Ivan, who was watching his sister calm the toddlers down, getting them to sit on the floor with her and do a few stretching exercises.

“I am surprised she can manage them without Feliks to help,” he mused, looking back down at Tolys.

“Yeah, it seems like quite a handful,” Tolys chuckled softly. He leaned in to lay the side of his head against Ivan’s shoulder. He knew his roommate had been devastated that he couldn’t make it to his beginner class’s recital, but he also knew it was much more important that he meet with the police about his pending assault case. That morning, he’d assured Feliks that he’d make sure to watch extra closely and cheer extra loudly to make up for his absence, and that Ivan would too.

Ivan wrapped an arm around Tolys and they silently watched his sister go through a few more stretches, clumsily mirrored by eight little girls. They watched as the girls ran up the stairs to the stage, then got in line, standing on the rubber dots as the lights dimmed. Tolys had always preferred children’s shows, since the lights weren’t turned off completely, and they didn’t use any bright spotlights or loud music. He still tolerated the painful contrast of the lights and the live orchestra’s roar when he was there to see Feliks perform, but he would be lying if he said they didn’t bother him.

Just as soft blue lights turned on above the stage, Tolys heard a small wail, and watched as one of the girls ran away, towards the billowing red curtains at the back of the stage. Natalya stepped forward, a look of panic on her face for just a second, before it was replaced with stiff determination. She turned around and walked purposefully towards the back of the stage, following the ripples in the curtain as the girl ran behind it.

The rest of the dancers started milling together, babbling and looking around, confused. The lights in the theater came back on and Tolys looked up at Ivan once more.

Suspense hung in the air, punctuated only by the occasional whisper, until Natalya returned from behind the curtains and walked down the stage, coming down the stairs. She went over to a woman sitting towards the middle of the front row and for a few moments they conversed in Russian. Tolys couldn’t hear everything they were saying, but he caught that the girl had stage fright, and refused to come out. He frowned, furrowing his brow, and wondered what Feliks would do in this situation. His roommate was good at calming his worries, and he always had good advice. This seemed like the kind of situation where he’d step up.

“I think I know what to do,” he murmured, looking over at Ivan, then back to Natalya. He squeezed his boyfriend’s hand, then stood up, and walked over to the woman. “I- I know I’m not Feliks, but I told him I’d fill in for him today. I’ll try to talk to her and see if I can do anything.”

The girl’s mother smiled gratefully. “Her name is Yulia. She can be very shy, but it’s worth trying. She always has liked Mr. L, maybe she’ll listen to you.”

Tolys nodded and nervously ran a hand through his hair. He walked up the stairs, glancing back at Ivan, who smiled and gave him a thumbs up. Feeling confidence rush into him, Tolys made his way to the back of the stage and pushed aside the curtains. The space was dark, and it took a moment for his eyes to adjust to the light. He followed the soft whimpers of Yulia’s crying, eventually finding her sitting underneath a wooden table. He knelt down until their heads were at the same level and the girl shrank back, hiding her red face behind chubby hands.

“Hi there Yulia,” he began, feeling a little nervous. He never really talked to children, and didn’t exactly know what he was doing. He had no idea how he actually planned to help, he’d just volunteered himself because it seemed right. Still, he decided to trust his gut. “My name’s Tolys. I’m filling in for Fel- Mr. L today.” He shifted to sit down with his legs crossed. “I heard you were feeling sad, and I want to know how I can help you feel better so you can go out and dance.”

He watched tentatively as the girl balled her hands into fists, then gingerly took them away from her face, instead bunching up the tulle of her dress and holding it to her tear-streaked chin. “I don’t wanna dance,” she replied, words difficult to make out as she continued to cry.

“Why don’t you want to dance?” Tolys asked, relaxing a little now that the girl had at least responded to him.

“Scary,” she mumbled, shaking her head. Her blonde hair had begun to fall out of the neat bun it had been tied into for her performance.

Tolys nodded, thinking that he’d also be scared if he had to stand up on stage and perform. “What if I told you that you don’t have to dance?” he tried. He didn’t think it would be the end of the world if she sat the performance out.

Yulia looked up at him, blinking a few times. She wasn’t sobbing anymore, though her eyes were still wet. Tolys saw that as progress, so he continued talking. “How about… you sit on the steps, out of the way of the lights, and just watch? You shouldn’t have to do something that is scary, but you dressed up for today, and all your friends are up there. Don’t you want to at least stay and watch them dance?” He hoped a compromise would lessen the disappointment on her mother and Natalya’s part, and he also knew from experience that sometimes it was good to watch others do something that scared him before he did it himself. Riding the subway alone had always terrified him, but after watching Feliks take the train to work a few times, Tolys had felt confident enough to take it into the city by himself.

The girl frowned and looked down at her ballet slippers, then back up at Tolys. She took a moment to think over what she’d been offered, before nodding tentatively.

Tolys smiled and got back into a kneeling position, holding out a hand for Yulia. She grabbed two of his fingers and allowed him to help her up. They slowly walked back out to the stage, where Natalya was entertaining the rest of the ballet class with a game of Simon Says. She looked up when she spotted Tolys, who stooped down and shuffled his feet to accommodate the toddler beside him.

“Well?” she asked, voice still stern, but less harsh.

“Yulia’s going to sit on the steps and watch,” Tolys reported, looking down at the girl. She nodded in determined confirmation and the two kept walking, until they reached the stairs. Yulia sat down on the second one from the top, curling up again so she could hold the end of her skirt to her chin. She gave Tolys a small smile and he let go of her hand and said, “I’ll be watching from the audience, okay?” then waited for her to nod before he walked off and sat back down next to Ivan.

As he was about to look up at Ivan, the lights went down, and Tolys turned back to the stage. He felt his boyfriend’s arm wrap around him, then returned his attention to the group of girls. There was a gap in the middle of their line, but he glanced over at the stairs and saw Yulia sitting quietly, looking up at her classmates.

The performance was short, barely even ten minutes. Tolys was used to beginner ballet recitals, since Feliks mostly taught younger students. He thought the performances were cute, though he couldn’t muster up the same amount of excitement as his roommate. Throughout this one, he kept glancing back over to Yulia, wanting to make sure she was alright. She sat still through the recital, until the end, when the girls came up to the front of the stage to bow. She stood up as well, sliding over until she was at the very edge of the spotlight, and shyly bowed as well. Tolys felt his heart swell with pride, and he cheered, standing up with the rest of the audience as they applauded.

As the lights came back on, Tolys sat back down, turning to Ivan with a tiny smile on his face. 

“That was really kind of you,” Ivan remarked, taking his hand and kissing the side of his thumb. “You’re really good with kids.”

Tolys blushed, slightly startled. “I… am?” 

Ivan nodded, oblivious to his confusion. He squeezed his hand, smiling even wider. It seemed like everything Tolys did made him like him even more, and this was no exception. “You did not have to step in, but you saw someone who needed you, and you helped. Feliks is lucky to have such good a friend”

Tolys looked down at his lap, furrowing his brow. All he’d done was talk to the girl the way he would have wanted to be talked to if he was nervous or overwhelmed, he didn’t see that as anything all that remarkable.

“Tolys!” he looked up to see Natalya, standing there with her eyebrows raised and an expression that almost looked like a smile. “Thank you for helping out. Seriously, things wouldn’t have gone that smoothly if you hadn’t been here.” She tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear and loosely crossed her arms. “After I clean up, I’m taking you two to lunch. My treat.” She leaned in to kiss her brother’s cheek, then Tolys’s, making him turn red. He’d been worried about making the right impression when he met Ivan’s younger sister, and he was glad that things had gone so well. Everything was turning out perfect.

\----

Feliks paced back and forth, squeezing his coffee cup so hard the plastic started to bow in. He was supposed to have met with a police officer the day after the woman had thrown her drink at him, but something had come up, and the meeting was postponed. The time spent waiting only served to make him even more nervous, because he couldn’t get the incident out of his mind. 

“Alright, no more coffee for you,” Erzsebet decided. She pulled the cup out of Feliks’s hands and pulled the top off, then dumped out the contents. The cup was set aside and she walked Feliks over to the chair at the manager’s desk, making him sit down. “You’re going to be alright. You didn’t do anything wrong.”

Feliks sighed and put his head in his hands. Erzsebet didn’t even seem to understand why he was so anxious. “I wish Feli was here. He gets it,” he mumbled, holding out his hands to stop Erzsebet from hugging him. 

“Fine, I can see I’m not helping,” she said, rolling her eyes and pulling back. “I’m going back out to help put away the order, okay? I promise you’ll be alright.” She walked out into the cafe, leaving Feliks alone in the back. He looked up, staring at a rack of flavored syrups. He read the labels just for something to do, but it did nothing to quell his racing thoughts. 

“Mr. Lukasiewicz?”

Feliks jumped and let out a startled yelp. He turned around, staring right up at a man in a dark blue police uniform. 

“My apologies for startling you. My name’s officer Bonnefois, but you can just call me Francis.” He grabbed a folding chair that was leaning against the shelf and set it down, sitting with his legs slightly apart and his elbows propped on his knees. Feliks stared down at his shiny black boots, frowning at the distorted reflection staring back up at him. 

Feliks was about to introduce himself, but realized the officer already knew his name. He tried to say something to the effect of a greeting, but the words jumbled in his mouth and all that came out was “I- uh- yeah.” He blushed and pressed his knuckles to his mouth. He wondered if it was possible to become so embarrassed that he’d make himself boil, and just melt out of existence. That would be preferable to telling someone else about how he’d lost his composure and broken down just because he couldn’t deal with one bad customer.

“I understand you’re probably very upset. Don’t worry, I’m going to do everything in my power to make sure that woman is punished for her actions. She’s gotten away with bothering poor people like you for far too long.”

Feliks grit his teeth and crossed his arms protectively. He didn’t want the officer’s pity. He opened his mouth to say something about making this quick, then closed it and looked over at the trash can under the desk. It needed to be changed.

“Alright, Mr. Lukasiewicz. Can you tell me what happened?” 

The officer slid a box of tissues over to him and Feliks looked up, unable to hide the scowl on his face. “I’m not going to cry,” he muttered, pushing the box of tissues away. He’d been worried that everyone would think of him as an emotional wreck now, and he’d been right.

The police officer sighed and shook his head, mouthing something to himself. “Sorry, I shouldn’t have assumed. Why don’t you just tell me what happened? I’ll be recording our conversation and taking some notes, that’s all. If you need, you can tell me to stop and I’ll turn off the recorder and you can have a moment to breathe.”

Feliks propped his elbow on the desk and pressed his forehead into his hand. He hated being treated as though he were fragile. He could handle a lot, that had just been a bad day and he’d been caught off guard. It made him angry that one small moment of weakness had suddenly changed how everyone acted with him. Even Tolys had begun to tread more lightly around him, suddenly becoming more worried and apologetic than normal. It was unnerving.

Still, the sooner things were over, the sooner he could start trying to go back to normal. Feliks recounted the day’s events, forcing himself to keep a straight face and show no emotion at all, just in case the police officer got the wrong idea about him. 

By the time he was done talking, Feliks’s face felt warm and his heart was pounding. It was a few moments before he realized he was still catching his breath, having barely paused while he recalled everything that had happened. The police officer gave him a concerned look and he quickly excused himself, shaking a little as he grabbed his empty cup and filled it with water. He took a sip, grimacing at the bitter coffee aftertaste, then went back to his seat.

“Thank you for the information,” the man began, flipping over the top of his notepad and hooking his pen onto it. “Now, we’ve already made sure the woman who harassed you is permanently banned from the cafe. You won’t be seeing her here again, but you do have the option to press charges if you want to.”

Feliks gave a surprised ‘oh,’ when Francis assured him that he wouldn’t be seeing the woman again. That was all he’d really wanted, and it made him feel much better. “No, I’m not pressing charges. I want this all to be over, like, forever.”

The officer nodded understandingly. “This is all over now. I can’t promise everything will be completely smooth, because life is unpredictable,” the man chuckled and Feliks let out a small snort. “You shouldn’t be bothered anymore, though.”

Feliks visibly relaxed, a smile of relief coming onto his face. He leaned his head back and ran a hand through his hair. “Thanks. I feel a lot better.”

“I’m glad,” the officer replied. He leaned forward, as though about to stand up, then relaxed back into the chair and put his notepad back into his bag. “I know this probably isn’t the best time for this, but now that I can close this case, I was wondering if you wanted to go out for dinner sometime. Believe me, I don’t usually ask civilians on dates like this, but you’re so absolutely my type.” Francis leaned forward again, this time with a mischievous smile on his lips, and Feliks’s cheeks got warm for an entirely different reason.

“I- oh?” he sat up straighter, feeling butterflies in his stomach. The comment was quite sudden, and it felt inappropriate, but Feliks also had to admit that the officer was good looking, and the last time he’d been asked on a date wasn’t exactly conventional either. Sure, the situation and the timing were odd, but even if his first impression hadn’t been great, Feliks decided there was no reason he shouldn’t give him a chance. After all, Francis was probably a completely different person when he was off the clock- he knew he was.

“Alright,” Feliks decided, pulling out his phone. “Are you free Wednesday evening?”

\----

Tolys pressed the heel of his palm against his forehead as he looked over Feliks’ jewelry collection for what seemed like the billionth time. He didn’t know why his friend was so indecisive, but he wished he’d just make up his mind or ask someone else for help. He didn’t know the first thing about fashion- in fact, he was colorblind. Still, he decided the best thing to do was try to be helpful, so he glanced over at the cropped blue sweater Feliks had picked out, and tried to figure out which necklace would possibly go well with it.

“Could you stop that? It’s gross,” he asked, shrinking out of the way when Feliks leaned over him to stare in the mirror as he tried to switch out his nose ring.

“Just give me a moment-” Feliks bit his lip and fidgeted with the ring for a moment, before pulling back and looking at himself, brows furrowed. “I hope he still thinks I’m his type,” he mumbled, sitting back down on the edge of the bathtub. 

“I don’t see why he wouldn’t. He asked you on a date.”

Feliks stretched his arms above his head then crossed them over his chest. “One time a guy I met on Tinder asked me on a date, then left because he said I didn’t look as cute in person.”

“So?”

“So Francis could do the same thing.”

Tolys picked up a necklace with three stacked silver chains all covered in different charms. He turned around and held it out to Feliks, who looked it over, before deciding it was acceptable and putting it on.

“Francis met you in person. And he saw you after you spent a weekend sulking in your bedroom and only eating ice cream. If he liked you then, he ought to like you now.”

Feliks ignored the slightly backhanded compliment. He stood back up and fixed his hair again, pausing when he caught sight of his watch. He quickly grabbed his phone off the counter and stuffed it in his pocket, then gave Tolys a rushed side-hug. “I’ve gotta run, my train’s almost here. Thanks for picking out my necklace!” he yelled, jogging to the door. He didn’t even bother to lock it as he left, too busy running to the stairs. 

As he ran, Feliks somehow managed to put in his headphones, and he arrived at the subway platform just as his train was arriving.

Feliks tried not to think about all the ways this date could go wrong, and instead told himself that this was going to be the one to break the streak. He was going to have a good time, and hopefully there would be a second date that both of them were excited about.

Francis had chosen a cute restaurant on Staten Island, and Feliks had planned to meet him at the ferry. It was a chilly night, but Feliks’s sweater was heavy and warm and he had a thick scarf wrapped around his face and neck. He spotted Francis quickly and walked over, butterflies coming back to his stomach.

“Hi,” he said, somewhat awkwardly. 

“Ah, Feliks,” Francis grinned, taking his hand and kissing his knuckle. “You look stunning.”

Feliks blushed and his stomach fluttered, no longer from nervousness, but from flattery. “You look nice too,” he replied quickly, though that didn’t really cut it. Francis’ blue eyes twinkled under the streetlights and he looked handsome with a little bit of a five-o-clock shadow around his chiseled chin. If Feliks didn’t know any better, he’d think he was a model.

“Shall we?” Francis asked, holding out an arm. Feliks grinned and took it and they boarded the ferry, finding a quiet spot by the railing to stand. He leaned his arm against the metal, looking up at Francis. The man casually rested his elbow on the railing, his head tilted to the side as he looked over Feliks again, as though the first few times hadn’t been enough. “So, Feliks, you’re a dancer, aren’t you?”

Feliks raised his eyebrows in surprise. “How did you know?”

“You stand like one. And you have that délicat look about you.”

Again, Feliks found himself blushing, and he only turned redder as Francis took his hand once more, examining his fingers and the nails he’d painted purple for their night out. His date was a little more forward than Feliks had expected, but he found that he didn’t mind it and honestly, he was enjoying the compliments and the attention paid to him, especially in contrast his date with Alfred.

“Ballet, right?”

Feliks nodded shyly. He chewed thoughtfully on his lower lip, wondering for a moment if he should tell him more about himself, or let him keep guessing. He decided he didn’t want to say too much, he was enjoying Francis’s charming style of conversation. 

“I’ll have to see you dance sometime,” he purred, and Feliks’s heart fluttered. 

The rest of the ride was quiet, but in a comfortable way. Feliks never had any reason to go to Staten Island, so he’d only been on the ferry once when he’d first moved to New York. He’d forgotten how pretty the view was, especially at night when the rows of skyscrapers twinkled with light.

Francis had picked a restaurant close to the ferry terminal, which he easily spotted from the rows of shrubs surrounding the patio. It was too cold to sit outside, and Feliks looked warily at the line of people shivering as they waited for a table. Thankfully Francis had thought to make a reservation and they were soon sitting down by a window, which looked out at the water. 

“You can order anything you want, mon cher,” Francis offered. Feliks raised his eyebrows, realizing that Francis had just offered to pay. He was a good man, but Feliks honestly found it a little odd how much he was doing for what was only their first date. He knew there was no use letting that bother him, though, so he picked up his menu and looked over the salads, seeing if anything sounded good.

When the waiter came by, Francis ordered them each a glass of wine. Feliks tried to protest, saying, “you don’t need to do that,” but it fell on deaf ears. Not a minute later, he was enjoying a fine (and no doubt expensive) merlot. After a few sips, he asked a little awkwardly, “I take it you like wine?”

“I love it,” Francis replied, a smirk appearing on his lips. “I know you’re a coffee drinker, so I take it you understand how truly amazing a good glass of wine can be, when it has just the right flavor and an even better pairing.” He paused to take a sip, then added, “this one is not the best, it’s too dry. I will find you something even better next time.”

For a moment, Feliks was a little startled that they had already decided on a second date, but with how well everything was going, he knew he was absolutely alright with that. He leaned forward, a coy look in his eyes as he tucked a bit of hair behind his ear. “Well then, what kind of wine will we be trying next time?”

Throughout their dinner, Feliks and Francis chatted about good wine and even better art. They both enjoyed some of the more luxurious things in life, and they quickly discovered after finishing their meals that they both had a sweet tooth. Thankfully, Francis knew of a bakery where they could get warm cookies and hot chocolate. After they’d both gotten their orders they started walking back to the ferry terminal, as snow gently began to fall.

As they walked, Feliks thought back to Francis’s casual mention of going on a second date. He looked up at the man, who glanced down then took his free hand, squeezing his chilly fingers. 

“I’m having a really good time,” he said, leaning into Francis’s arm. He smelled like rich wine and roses.

“I’m glad to hear it,” he replied, then came to a stop just before a wooden bench. He turned to face Feliciano, still holding his hand. “I know the first date is a little soon, but I want to know if you’ll become one of my lovers.”

Feliks furrowed his brows and echoed, “one of your…”

“Lovers, yes.”

“I- what?” he pressed his lips together and looked down, his eyes landing on their intertwined hands. There was a ring on Francis’s finger. Why hadn’t he noticed that before?

“I don’t just limit myself to one person. I just have too much love in my heart and I want to share it with everyone.”

Feliks pulled his hand away, resisting the urge to wipe it on his jeans. He took a step back and frowned. “But you’re married. Why would you take me on a date if you’re married?”

Francis sighed and twisted his ring. “It’s not a wedding ring. Not legally anyway. I’ve got a partner who gave me this ring, but I’ve also got two other partners who I’m dating. They all know I’m polyamorous, and they date other people too. I meant to tell you earlier, but I just… well, I got distracted by how much fun we were having.” He sheepishly pressed his palm against the back of his neck and gave a small, hopeful smile.

Feliks sat down on the bench and leaned back, staring up at the cloudy sky. He let out a breath then turned to look at Francis once more. He’d never even considered dating someone who was dating other people at the same time. Sure, he’d heard of it, but never thought he’d be in anything except a monogamous relationship. He didn’t like the idea of having to compete with others for his partner’s attention, and something about dating multiple people, even if his partner knew and was alright with it, felt wrong.

“You don’t have to decide right now,” Francis offered, sitting down as well. He didn’t make any move to hold Feliks’s hand this time, and stayed a little farther back from him.

Feliks leaned his forehead against his palm and chewed his lower lip. He knew now that he had to trust his gut. If he didn’t, he’d just end up making himself unhappy. “No.” he mumbled, then repeated it, louder. “No. I don’t want to date you.” He looked up, meeting Francis’s eyes, a genuinely apologetic look on his face. “I’m sorry,” he whispered, “I like you, but I can’t handle that kind of relationship. I’m sorry.” He carefully studied Francis’s face, worried that he’d upset him. Thankfully he appeared understanding.

“I want you to do what’s best,” Francis replied. He squeezed Feliks’s shoulder kindly.

“Thank you.” Feliks laughed with relief and released some of the tension he was holding in his shoulders. He always hated when dates ended badly and he was so embarrassed he couldn’t even bear to look at the other person again. “I still want to be friends with you, if that’s okay. You’re a really nice person and we have a lot in common. I’d like to spend more time together, even if it’s not on dates.”

“Of course.”

\----

Tolys reached out, about to dog-ear the page in his book, but Ivan quickly intervened, instead setting a notecard between the pages. He’d been trying to break his boyfriend’s habit of folding over pages to mark his place, and so far it wasn’t easy- Tolys would just forget he even had bookmarks, and leave them in the book’s back cover or on his end table.

“You really need to take better care of your books,” he scolded gently, resting his chin on top of Tolys’s head.

“I’m trying.”

Ivan smiled and traced his fingers down Tolys’s arm and over the back of his hand. Tolys turned his head and rested the side against Ivan’s chest, a small grin just barely visible from his position. His grin got wider when Ivan kissed his forehead and brushed away some hair that had fallen out of his ponytail.

“Meškuti?” Tolys set down his book and shifted again to drape his legs over Ivan’s thigh.

“Yeah?”

“How do you know if you’re in love?”

Ivan absentmindedly undid Tolys’s hair and ran his fingers through it. “Why do you ask that?”

“Well, in all the books I’ve read, it’s easy to tell when someone’s in love. It was obvious Jane Eyre was in love with Mr. Rochester when he thanked her for saving his life, even if she didn’t really know it.” He looked down at the copy of the book sitting by Ivan’s knee. “I was just wondering… did that happen with us yet? Is there something I’m just not seeing?” He furrowed his brow, genuinely puzzled.

“Do you feel like you’re in love?” Ivan began braiding Tolys’s hair.

“I don’t know,” he admitted, pursing his lips. “I don’t know if what I’m feeling is love. I don’t even really know what I’m feeling.”

“I see,” Ivan frowned, trying to figure out how to explain what he was supposed to be feeling. To be fair, he’d never been in love before either. Sure, he loved his sisters, but he loved them from day one, because they were related by blood. He didn’t know what it felt like to fall in love with someone. “I don’t know what it feels like either,” he admitted, deciding it was best to be honest. “I think it’s different for everyone, and I do not think you can just read a book and suddenly understand or know what it is supposed to feel like.”

Tolys didn’t seem entirely satisfied with that answer. He leaned more into Ivan’s chest, giving a grateful sigh when Ivan stopped braiding his hair and instead hugged him tightly, which always seemed to comfort him. After a few moments, voice muffled from his sheltered position, he asked, “what do you think our love is supposed to feel like? How will I know when I’m in love?”

Ivan chuckled softly and kissed his forehead again. “I think this is what our love feels like. Like I have said, I do not know what it’s like to be in love and I am not an expert on the subject, but it feels right to say that this is our love- and it feels right to say that I love you.”

Tolys’s heart fluttered joyfully. He couldn’t find the words to reply- there was so much else going on and his thoughts were racing as he tried to mentally categorize everything that defined their love. All he managed to do was hug Ivan back, quickly fluttering his hand against his side. He was overwhelmed, but not in a bad way, and the way Ivan held him- tight and quiet and safe- told him everything words hadn’t.


End file.
